Why is being resilient good for you?
Resilience is often confused with fortitude, with not letting yourself be shaken by the challenges that life presents to us. However, being resilient transcends this limiting idea of the theme.
There are people who really tend to be more resilient than others. The neurocognitive flexibility skill plays an important role in determining how resilient a person can be. Someone with this ability tends to face life’s challenges in a different way, as they understand that difficulties are periods that will pass. So, instead of being paralyzed by circumstances, resilient people are able to think, see and act beyond them. Somehow, they understand that it is possible to transcend them, that it is possible to learn something from them, and that it is possible to develop through them.
This difference in perspective alone allows resilient people to be more compassionate with themselves and others. It allows them to look in perspective and not limit their gaze to momentary adversities. They tend to be more optimistic and hopeful, which as a consequence makes them people who try different things, who take risks and go beyond.
Resilience and self-compassion
You might wonder what self-compassion has in common with resilience. Let’s say that self-compassion makes the skill of resilience more possible and fluid. It would be like chocolate sauce on top of a cake. A study conducted in the laboratory of Kristian Neff (an expert on self-compassion) has shown that self-compassion increases well-being and resilience to stress and trauma. While some people think that self-compassion is synonymous with weakness, a study of the five myths of self-compassion (The Five Myths of Self-compassion, 2015 by Kristin Neff) suggests that self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of available coping and resilience mechanisms. When we go through crises, self-compassion proves to make all the difference in our ability to survive and persist.
It is clear, therefore, the importance of practicing self-compassion not only in times of difficulty but as a way of facing life as it presents itself. Being self-compassionate is linked to engaging in healthier behaviors, greater motivation, confidence, and a sense of personal responsibility. That is, it only brings benefits to the individual that will help him in various spheres of life.
By taking a good care of yourself, it becomes much easier to face the challenges that life presents you with.
You don’t need to use the Airbag if you don’t crash the car
An important point about resilience is that we don’t need to be resilient if we don’t go through a situation that requires us to be resilient. Only when going through a challenging situation, a loss, or a change that requires adaptations that we need to be resilient. It is also not possible to know “how strong” we are until we need to “be strong”. When we are driving our car safely, for example, our airbag is stored and unused. Many times we don’t even know if it really exists, because the most we see is the word “airbag” stamped in the car’s glove compartment. However, in case of an accident, the airbag can save you. This also happens with resilience. Maybe you doubt its existence and the potential that this skill has to help you in a time of need.
How to be more resilient when going through a difficult phase?
1. When going through a difficulty, ask yourself what you can learn from it, instead of spending time and energy wondering why this is happening to you.
2. Imagine yourself months ahead, when this phase passes. What can you see as a consequence of this period?
3. In addition to resilience, what skills are you developing as you go through the current moment?
4. Who will you be after all this?
Seeing in perspective can be challenging, but it will allow you to create a space between the lived reality and the learning that comes from it. By focusing exclusively on the challenging period we find ourselves in, we can lose hope, paralyze ourselves and not act with the intention of getting out of that place. Through the lens of resilience, it is therefore possible to look beyond and make something of what is happening to us here and now knowing that this will not be forever.
I hope that after reading this text, you feel more encouraged to practice and develop resilience. Remember, we all have this skill within us, and, like any other, it can be practiced and improved throughout life.
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