Why are you so stressed?
We live in an age of worry, busyness, and stress. You probably hear someone comment almost daily that they feel stressed, or that a certain situation stresses them out, but it seems that nobody knows how to deal very well with something that accompanies us on a daily basis.
In this post, I’ll explain how stress manifests itself in our body, why it’s so hard to slow down, and I’ll give you some tips on how to release stress from your body.
Oh man, I’m a nervous wreck
Stress in its definition concerns a healthy and expected reaction of our body. When we encounter a situation that our brain interprets as a danger or as something we don’t have the skills to deal with, it triggers a signal to our fight-or-flight center, which sends a signal to our entire body to act. When this signal is sent to our body, our heart beats faster, adrenaline rises, and our muscles tense. All of this happens so that we can defend ourselves against this threat and, in the end, survive. If our brain interprets the threat as surmountable, we fight. But if we see it as too big or too dangerous for us to overcome, we run away. Furthermore, we freeze if we assess the threat as too big to face and feel too small or weak to run away from it. This entire evaluation takes place automatically and in a fraction of a second. We are not fully aware of this whole journey, otherwise, it would cost our brains a lot.
All this beautiful mechanism was developed and it was essential when primates needed to survive real threats daily and ensure the survival of the human race And we did it! Here we are in the 21st century. However, even though no lions are trying to eat us alive, our bodies still react similarly by activating the stress response. Nowadays the “danger” can be a heated conversation with your boss, that presentation in public, or even that closed-in traffic that you immediately feel your body heat up with anger when it happens.
And no matter how much you tell me: ”Omg, these situations are so small, I shouldn’t stress about them”, they happen and your body, without you noticing it, reacts automatically by sending the message: “Danger! Protect yourself! Do something!”
When your head says no but your body says yes
How many times have you caught yourself analyzing some situations in which you were stressed and you said that maybe it wasn’t worth getting so involved with that? You can look back and say that having sleepless nights over a performance that turned out well wasn’t worth it. Or, that stressing out with their young children who demanded attention, didn’t seem so essential, after all, they grew up. But no matter how much you try to rationalize and repeat how much you wouldn’t want to be stressed or involved in a certain situation, your body’s reaction appears involuntarily and automatically. All we can do is become more aware of how stress manifests itself in our bodies and then do something about it.
How did we get here?
The everyday scenes that trigger stress in our bodies are countless. From major catastrophes to everyday amenities that fill our glass with stress reactions. I invite you to take a short break and think about situations that normally make you stressed. It could be the morning routine where you feel like you’re always late, or the moment of traffic that makes you mad because you feel like your hands are tied for seeing yourself stagnant for fifty minutes without being able to do anything about it. Try to be as specific as possible. Now imagine all these situations as little balls that are dropped into a glass each time they happen. How many marbles would you put in a glass within a day? What about a week, a month, a year?
All these small moments of stress that seem harmless and one-off, gradually overload our body and make us increasingly intolerant of stress. Our cup is too full to fit balls of any size. And when situations of great stress happen, such as a catastrophe, the loss of someone dear, or a pandemic, our body finds it difficult to deal with stress, or even, it may fail in this assessment, showing symptoms such as burnout, anxiety attacks, depression or muscle pain. All these symptoms may seem sudden, however, they are just the reflection of a glass that was being filled daily with small doses of stress. Because we’re so good at ignoring our body’s signals and tend to just fix the symptom, stress keeps building up over the years, trying to alert us that something isn’t right. Whether we listen or not.
And now what do I do?
Situations that generate stress will not stop happening in our lives, whether we like it or not. We have no control over what will happen to us, but we can choose how we will react to what happens to us. I will give you some important steps to help you with stress.
1. Identify your stress response
Now that you have more clarity on how the stress response is activated in your body, you can become more aware of how stress manifests itself in you. Pay attention to the signs your body gives you. For some people, stress manifests itself as internal heat, for others through palpitation, headaches, mental confusion, forgetfulness, intolerance, and irritability. Ask yourself: what happens in my body when I feel stressed? What are the most common signs?
2. Expect the unexpected
The lack of control and predictability can be a huge source of stress, so it’s important to expect the unexpected. The simple fact of accepting that we are not in control of all the situations we will encounter in the future can significantly reduce our stress reaction.
By using this approach of acceptance and curiosity, it becomes easier to respond to life’s unforeseen events, as we don’t have the feeling that we should have control over something uncontrollable.
3. Make a list of what you have control over and what you don’t.
Stress often comes as a response to situations we have no control over. You can find yourself stressed, for example, by not knowing the result of an exam you took, or by waiting for a response to a promotion you applied for. These factors are outside your influence zone since they depend exclusively on your patience in waiting for the result.
After listing everything that worries you and generates a stress reaction in your body, make a plan about the items that you feel you have some control or influence over. As for the points in the other column, remind yourself as many times as necessary that nothing can be done to deal with or change that situation.
4. Do something that releases your body’s stress response
As we saw earlier, when you assess a situation as threatening, your brain sends a message to your body that there is inherent danger and that you need to defend yourself. Your body’s reactions occur automatically and are only deactivated when they receive a signal that you are safe, that you have survived the threat. This signal can be sent through physical activity, as this releases adrenaline and sends a signal to your brain that you have escaped the threat. It can be through breathing like box breathing (you can learn how to do it here), where you send a signal to your body to calm your fight-or-flight system. It can be through a creative activity such as writing, painting, gardening, or manual work, where you use areas of the brain that, when activated, sends a signal to the amygdala (an area triggered by stress), that you it’s saved. After all, who would paint a picture when there is imminent danger at your side?
Now that you know why the stress reaction happens in your body and how it manifests itself in you, I suggest you do a stress inventory from time to time. You can make a free list of all the situations you feel stressed about. Be as detailed as possible and categorize them as manageable or uncontrollable. Ask yourself how you choose to react to everything that happens to you and practice accepting situations you have no control over. By accepting, you stop fighting and trying to change what is often far from your field of action and control.
If you liked this post, you can follow more on my Instagram profile julia.lima.maia.
